～てあげる and ～てもらう
If you haven’t already, please read the giving and receiving page.
てあげる and てもらう are used to express giving and receiving actions.
てあげる and てもらう both use を and に just like their non て form counterparts.
のために
“For” (Someone/purpose)
Benefactor/Purpose/Cause + のために
Before we begin, we need to talk about のために.
のために means “For the sake of X” or “to help x”.
のために, when used with what you did for people, carries a nuance of “I wanted to do it”.
Examples
- 彼のために作った – Made it for him.
- 親のために頑張った。- Tried hard for my parents.
- 試験のために勉強した。- Studied for the test.
- 未来のために頑張る – Work hard for the future.
のために can also mark the cause of an action:
- 天気のために中止した – Canceled it for the weather. (Because of)
てあげる
To do for Person
Personに Verb て form ＋あげる
てあげる, literally means to “give the performance of an action”. This means it has a meaning closer to “do for“.
てあげる tends to come across as a little condescending, implying that the other person couldn’t do it for themselves.
Examples
- 彼にペンをかしてあげた – I lent him a pencil. (lent for him).
- 彼女にぬいぐるみを作ってあげた – I made some stuffed animals and gave them to my girlfriend.
- 彼が先生にリンゴを買ってあげた ✖- He bought an apple and gave it to the teacher.
(Sounds like the teacher couldn’t buy an apple) - 彼のために仕事を探してあげた – I gave him (my action) of searching for a job.
- 彼氏のために掃除してあげる – Clean up for your boyfriend (cause he can’t do it himself).
With のために
のために can be used in place of に with てあげる, and gets rid of the condescending nuance.
Additionally, there are cases with のために must be used.
It is for these reasons that I recommend you default to using のために instead of に with “てあげる”; at the very least until you get more used to it.
Requirements to use only に with てあげる
To use just に +てあげる there needs to be:
- A person (sentient thing) being marked with に
- A physical object being transferred
- Benefit being created and transferred (not a benefit of destruction)
I.e. 彼にごみを燃やしてあげた – I burnt the garbage (and gave to him) doesn’t work. (Source)
If these conditions are not met, then のために should be used instead of just に.
In cases where it is optional, のために feels more like “I want to do it“, rather than “had to do it“.
(Source1 Source 2)
てくれる
くれる is just a variant of あげる, as discussed earlier, that has an added connotation of “for me”.
くれる technically means “give down”, so you shouldn’t use it about things you did for others.
Grammatically, it is used like あげる, but should be used for things you got, like もらう。
- 彼が本を読んでくれました – He read the book for me.
- お父さんが私に学校まで送ってくれた – My dad brought me to school (for me).
It can also be used ironically (common in anime).
- よくやってくれた – You sure did this for me (angry).
てもらう
To get X to do
X に Verb て form ＋もらう
Fortunately, てもらう is much easier than てあげる。It implies that you got someone else to do something or will get them to do something. In the past tense, it implies thankfulness for the action.
Examples
- 彼に読んでもらった – I got him to read it.
- 彼女に約束してもらった – I got her to promise.
- 部屋を片付けてもらう – I’ll have you clean the room./I’ll get (someone) to clean the room.
- 彼にしてもらう – I’ll get him to do it.
てもらえないか
You can also use the potential form of もらう to be less direct and a little more polite as well; but please see the いただけないでしょうか page for a better alternative.
- 渡してもらえませんか – Can I get you to pass it?
- してもらえませんか – Can I get you to do it?